How to support your child if they’re being bullied

If your child is being bullied, it can feel overwhelming to know how best to support them. You want to help them, but you’re not sure how - especially when social media often exacerbates the awful impact of bullying in and out of school. In this post, Laura Drury shares her opinion on bullying in today’s digital age and gives you her tips and advice to help you support your child if they’re being bullied.

Why it’s hard to cope with bullying

As I child, I was bullied. And it hurt. Fortunately, I had amazingly supportive parents, as well as friends outside of school who helped. I was therefore able to build my resilience because, mercifully, the bullying stopped when I got home each afternoon. I had a safe haven and a much-needed break from it until the next school day.

What disturbs me today is that, through social media, bullying permeates the safe spaces. Because of this, through the lockdowns, it got worse. It’s constant and invasive, and if left unmanaged, can be extremely damaging.

As a child’s brain develops, one of the strongest influences on their behaviour is the desire to fit in. This was essential for survival back in the olden days; being accepted by your tribe meant you were more likely to get fed and be loved - it would also lessen your chances of being sacrificed and served up as dinner.

Our brains have evolved since then but only in sections. Unfortunately, the reptilian part of our brain still functions as it did then. So those primal instincts are as strong as ever, particularly for children. Whilst the formative years are an important time for children to develop academically and socially, they’re also a crucial time to build resilience. If we equip children with those tools early – they are set up for life.

How can we help children manage? 

One of the ways is to apply logic to the situation. Focus on the facts, rather than feelings. However, the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking) doesn’t fully develop until well into our twenties, so children find it much harder to reassure themselves that bullies don’t matter. This is exacerbated by the fact that the threat to their wellbeing is only a touchscreen away.

Another way is to seek support from the many helpful resources that are freely available. Speak to your child’s teacher too. Each school has its own bullying policy and support should be put in place to help your child if they’re the victim of bullying. As with anything, communication is key. Not only between you and your child but between you and the school as well. 

What about the virtual world?

Online technology is still in its stages of infancy and we’re learning how to manage it gradually. A good analogy is that of cars. They were driven for many years before seatbelts were added to increase safety.

How do we do the same with screens? Whilst day-to-day users of smart devices are still fairly ignorant of the dangers of the virtual world, the technology industry isn’t. They are all too aware of the damage that being constantly online has on children and actively discourage their children from using them. Why wouldn’t we follow their example?

How often do you leave your child to their own devices without knowing what they have access to? If bullies turned up on your doorstep, expecting to come in, would you step aside and welcome them? Sound ludicrous right? By getting a bit more tech-savvy, you can work out how to prevent the bullies from getting in through the front door.

What’s the antidote? 

Kindness. As neuroscientist Richard Davidson describes, we are born kind and kindness has lasting, positive, neurological effects on our wellbeing.

For Anti-Bullying Week 2021, the Anti-Bullying Alliance is promoting kindness through One Kind Word. Bullies bully because they are hurting. Those on the receiving end are hurting too. Let’s show them how kindness can help by demonstrating it to them and encouraging them to be kinder to one another. 

So if your child is being bullied, encourage them to speak up about it - even if it’s just to you. You may need to be their voice when speaking to the school, but communication often leads to resolution. All it takes is one conversation to get things moving and for your child to begin to feel happy again. And that’s the most important thing, right?