It’s not you, it’s me: Self-reflection for greater happiness and engagement

When thinking about improving happiness and engagement in your team, maybe it’s time to start with some self-reflection first? After all, it’s only by understanding and supporting ourselves better, that we can really support those around us. In this blog post, Kerry Leigh shares her top self-reflection tips with you and urges you to find time in your diary to try it.

Self-reflection? Try navel-gazing

Before you roll your eyes at this heading and click elsewhere, let me tell you this: the correct word for navel-gazing is omphaloskepsis – a discovery that’s made my week because it’s fun to say out loud. Literally, it means gazing at one’s own navel to aid meditation. 

However, over the years ‘navel-gazing’ has become used as a flippant term for unhealthy self-absorption, but surely taking time to reflect on your own thinking and behaviours, to see what’s helping you and those around you, is time well spent?

Do you plan for this in your diary? Oh, you’re rolling your eyes again, aren’t you? Inwardly screaming: ‘Have you seen my diary?!’ No doubt it's chocka. Yes, it’s a cultural problem for many of us, both personally and professionally. We proudly boast about back-to-back meetings and how we are ‘sooo busy.’ 

In working culture, some of us feel like we have to be seen to be ‘doing’ something. But as Jennifer Saunders reassures Dawn French in their hysterical podcast, Titting About: ‘As long as you’re thinking, you’re doing.’

The benefits of self-reflection

Making time for self-reflection just isn’t the done thing. I’ve only started doing it properly over the last year or so myself - and it isn’t easy. I don’t always like what I see. It's much more fun to notice what other people are ‘doing wrong.’

In brief, I’ve discovered I’m funny, caring, loyal, a bit defensive and can alternate between ‘exhaustively enthusiastic’* and confusingly withdrawn and quiet, i.e. an ambivert - a mixture of extrovert and introvert. Now I know this, I’ve learned to play to my strengths.

The extrovert in me doesn’t mind telling you that perimenopause has hit me like a train recently and my energy levels have taken a beating. So just before delivering an online workshop for Laughology recently, I dialled up the extrovert energy to engage my potentially zoom-fatigued audience and planned for a guilt-free nap afterwards.

Result? We had a right laugh and some great breakout room conversations - and I dribbled on my pillow for 30-minutes afterwards. However, on that same day, I learned that telling a waiter I loved him, simply for recommending soup of the day when I was starving and indecisive, is a bit scary for the waiter… and leads to long waits for service.

Your self-reflection - some things to consider

How do you impact those around you? I dare you to ask. Don’t ask the sycophants though -  in fact, if everyone says you’re amazing, ask yourself if you’re creating a psychologically safe environment where people feel they can actually say what they see. 

In the words of the great philosopher Jessie J: Nobody’s Perfect, not even me and you.

`So, we dare you to:

• Put some time in your diary for self-reflection
• Ask others how your behaviours impact them (negative and positive)
• Say omphaloskepsis three times in a row

*Actual quote from a customer