Hands up if you have set a New Year’s resolution and have already thrown in the towel?

You’re not alone. Research shows 80% of us break our resolutions by the first week of February and only 8% of us are successful. 

So how good are new year’s resolutions for our mental wellbeing? Sarah Brown is here to challenge your choice of resolution and give you some tips to create more meaningful ones.

Where do new year’s resolutions come from?

Apparently, the first new year’s resolutions date back over 4,000 years ago, to ancient Babylon. The Babylonians are said to have started the tradition during Akitu, a 12-day New Year celebration. But despite having over 4,000 years of practice, we’re still setting ourselves up to fail.

Today’s resolutions are mainly around setting personal resolutions for ourselves rather than the gods. And correct me if I’m wrong, but the majority of these will be around losing weight and getting fit. Why? Because we’ve done exactly the same thing as last year and overindulged on the eggnog and mince pies.

Why most resolutions fail and how to change this

Most of us set ‘avoidance goals’ which, as the name suggests, are geared towards quitting/avoiding something - be it chocolate, alcohol or social media. When you tell your brain you don’t want something, that’s exactly what it wants. If you’ve read Laura Dury’s blog on Blue Monday you’ll know why. It’s all about the RAS.

What you should do is set ‘approach goals.’ These allow you to focus on what you do want, helping you form new habits and work towards your goals. Instead of stopping something, you start doing something.  

Choose your resolutions wisely

Andrew Elliot and Ken Sheldon (professors of psychology) have done a great deal of research about ‘approach’ and ‘avoidance’ goals. Avoidance goals can lead to poor mental health and wellbeing as you have:

• Less satisfaction with/more negative feelings about progress with personal goals
• Decreased self-esteem, personal control and vitality
• Less satisfaction with life
• Feeling less competent in relation to goal pursuits

Avoidance goals are not the goals with which you’ll make a great deal of progress - they don't lead you to a ‘happy place.’ But they’re the most common goals and resolutions we set. We’re basically setting ourselves up to fail and impacting our mental wellbeing along the way. 

The good news is you can do something about it. You can choose to change your approach. 

How to switch to continuous improvement

Instead of setting new year’s resolutions, make small changes over the year which become part of your daily routine and in turn become positive habits.

A great book I’ve just read is Atomic Habits by James Clear. He talks about the 4 laws of creating a good habit and breaking bad ones, and how to build a system that allows continuous improvement. 

Many people go back to their old habits when they achieve a goal. I’ve been guilty of this in the past - I stopped running immediately after achieving the half marathon. To avoid this, James Clear advises you to choose your identity. You have choices of what you do but most of these are done subconsciously. To improve, you need to slow your brain down and become more conscious of the choices you’re making.

Your beliefs and mindset, as well as what you say to yourself, impact who you think you should be. How you think and what you say to yourself can have an impact on your habits and choices. 

Ask yourself questions in a third party context to help shift your thinking - e.g. ‘What would my best friend say and do?’ Reframing unhelpful thoughts can work too. If you feel you have to do something, your thoughts may be, ‘I have no choice.’ Try reframing this to ‘this is an opportunity to do/learn something new.’ It really helps shift those negative thoughts. 

Replace resolutions with intentions

My intention (not resolution) in life is to be kind to myself and to ensure I’m consciously aware of the choices I make (most of the time). Choosing this as my mantra helps me navigate the life I want. 

The Wheel of Life is a great tool to look at life objectively and observe where you need to spend focus. You can then identify what you can improve on. Try talking this through with friends and colleagues, as they then become your accountability buddies. They can also help support you by questioning (sometimes challenging) and listening. 

So let’s rip up those resolutions - after all, they’ve not worked for 4,000 years. Instead, start to focus on what you want and why. Then start to work on the how. Ask yourself what behaviours you need to start (and stop) to develop habits that serve you well. And when it’s not going to plan and you feel like throwing in the towel again, use the 4S’s model below to check in with yourself. 

The 4S’s model to check mental wellbeing 

• Spot:
  How are you feeling? What has triggered that feeling? What’s holding you back? What do you need to do to keep on track? How can you reframe?
• Stop:
  What do you need to stop doing? How can you slow your thinking down? 
• Support:
  Who can help you? How can they help? What other resources would help? How can you be kinder to yourself?
• Signpost:
  Are there people or places that can assist you? How do you find out? Who’s done something similar and can point you in the right direction? What resources would help you right now? 

Your brain isn’t hardwired, it’s malleable, which means it can physically change to encourage creative thinking and new knowledge. Questions can act as a catalyst for your brain to change and move forward.

When you ask yourself (or others) a question, the entire brain gets active as it reflects, releasing serotonin. New neuronal connections are made as the brain moves closer to finding solutions. Check out our DOSE of Happiness cheat sheet to find out how to release serotonin and other positive neurotransmitters.

When we’re stuck, asking open-ended questions helps the brain become activated. It will find the best way to help us to discover the solution. So why not give it a go? What could you choose to do today?