The key to having great family chats is all about listening to each other, with interest and empathy. But good listening doesn’t come naturally to any of us – it’s a life skill that we learn (some of us better than others!)

Here’s how to help children

• If you ask your child which part of the body we listen with, they’re likely to say ‘ears’. Which is, of course, true! But we can help them to understand that great listening involves lots of other body parts too. Search ‘whole body listening’ for some helpful posters.

• To avoid confrontation and to keep situations calm, school staff regularly use visuals. These show children the type of behaviours they’re expecting to see. If your little one is tugging your sleeve and asking questions, while you’re having a video chat with colleagues, a ‘Please wait’ flashcard would come in handy. Laughology’s friends at Twinkl.co.uk have made thousands of these resources available to parents at this time.

For the adults

• Did you know that a mobile phone doesn’t even have to be switched on or that near to us, to distract us? If you want to listen to your child without constantly glancing away, leave all electronic devices outside of the room.
• As I said in the introduction video, while folks are talking to us we’re thinking about lots of other things. If something pops into your head, while you’re trying to pay attention to your child, write it down on a piece of paper. That tells your brain that it’s okay to stop reminding you and will give you a bit more headspace.
• It can sometimes take children a while to say what they’re really thinking. If we’re busy trying to work from home, it can be easy to show frustration, jump to conclusions or fill in the gaps, without giving them the chance to finish their sentence. Patience is a virtue at any time, and especially now. If yours is running thin, remember to STOP! – PAUSE, for as long as it takes – RESPOND.
• You may find that your child is less chatty at the moment. Being in the house together 24/7 might just mean they have less to say, or it could be that they’re struggling to explain how they’re feeling. The only way to find out is to ask! To avoid scatter-gunning your child with questions which might overwhelm them:
  • Prepare them by saying, ‘Let’s have a chat this afternoon about how things are going. Have a think about anything you want me to know.’
  • Make time and find the right place to get the conversation going. Where would they be most comfortable?
  • Ask open questions starting with How, Where, What, When, Which
  • Take away the pressure by saying, ‘Tell me more about…’ instead of asking ‘Why?’
  • Listen and look out for anything that’s not being said. This might be a change in their tone or their body language. Say, ‘I noticed you sounded angry when you spoke about not seeing Gran…’
  • Acknowledge their feelings, but then reassure them with facts. ‘We can’t be with Gran yet, but she’s safe, we can have video chats with her and when lockdown is over we will…’

With thoughts tentatively turning to a return to school and work, our next learning bursts will all be about supporting children's and adults' mental health and wellbeing, both during the transition and in the new normal. Remember too, that there are lots of other resources for coping on the website.