Want to be inclusive? Be brave, curious… and listen up!

In this blog post, Laura Drury reflects on a recent moment of unconscious bias and describes how to manage it through awareness and skilled communication. 

Whilst delivering an unconscious bias session on International Women’s Day back in March, I described the benefits of humour when managing bias. After all, it helps us look at situations from a different perspective and is unique to everyone. To elaborate on this point, I then said ‘One man’s meat, is another man’s poison.’

The session had gone well so far, and I was very much in a state of flow, until the moment when I realised my faux pas. It was hardly an inclusive phrase during a session about equality - especially coming from a woman!

However, it did beautifully demonstrate my previous point, that our thoughts and behaviours are habits – that’s where the ‘unconscious’ part, of unconscious bias, comes in.

I became very self-conscious at that moment but put on a smile and apologised to my listeners. Thankfully they applied their humour, saw the funny side, and were understanding, so I continued with the session.

However, I was not as comfortable as I had been. As it was a virtual session, I couldn’t see all my participants. I couldn’t know for sure whether what I’d said had been excused or not.  

And therein lies the rub… When you discuss unconscious bias or inclusion and diversity, you become very aware of what is, and what isn’t, appropriate to say. Rightly so! But like most humans, you will get it wrong sometimes. This may lead you to become fearful of causing offence, and therefore you stay silent. However, this is the exact opposite of what is needed to become more inclusive. 

So what can you do? How can you make sure you don’t offend others?

Open communication is vital

As the word suggests, in order to be inclusive, you can’t do it alone! It requires people to work together and have open communication. If you’ve read any of my other blogs, you’ll know I believe everyone should use a coach’s toolbox:

• Listen with curiosity – pay attention to facial expressions as well as listening to words
• Listen without judgement
• Get comfortable with being uncomfortable
• Check for understanding by summarising; using the speaker’s words
• Ask open questions
• Don’t interrupt the speaker or try to offer your own experience or solution
• Use empathy

All these behaviours would not only ensure successful inclusion but also cohesion, innovation and productivity! Effective communication could also help improve the culture of organisations and more than likely, their profitability!  

Aside from giving everyone positive communication skills training (or Unconscious Bias), it is also important to find the means that works for your particular company or team. This can be done through language. In a TED talk with Kim Scott and Trier Bryant, they recommend finding a shared vocabulary, and approach, to calling out unconscious bias in a way that encourages openness and supports progress.

Sometimes we will get that language wrong but by agreeing on a way to flag post something that’s been said, in a non-confrontational and empathetic way, we build awareness and help each other to learn from it.

What other practical things can you do with your teams?

Try recognising diversity from the perspective of the different upbringings we’ve had, as well as the traits unique to each of us. It can help us better understand where our unconscious bias comes from and how to challenge it. 

How we view life comes from what our parents, teachers, and friends have taught us. Unless we intentionally consider and question those beliefs, we behave automatically and don’t fully understand the impact our behaviour and language have on others.

Sometimes it’s easy to spot those influences and consciously try to challenge and change them. However, there are always those niggly ones that slip the radar… like my aforementioned faux pas phrase!

By reflecting on our past, we can then understand where those beliefs have come from, and whether, or not, they are pertinent (or detrimental) today.

This is by no means an easy process but it can be an incredibly powerful one. Either individually, or (if you’re comfortable enough to) in your teams, discuss the tv programmes you watched, the phrases you heard growing up, or the books you read. They might provide some useful insight into the stereotypes that informed your beliefs.

And when listening to each other, do so with insatiable curiosity. Truly open conversations take a great deal of courage, vulnerability and empathy.

But above all, be kind to one another. With kindness leading the way, we can more easily manage difficult moments.