Spectacular displays of manspreading and machismo: Why alpha males need to check themselves

What is about tech billionaires and machismo? If they’re not engaged in an inter-galactic willy-waving contest to see who can splurge the most money building the biggest, fastest rocket to colonise Mars, create a moon base and other useless endeavours, they’re biohacking themselves to become man-Gods.

Wealthy industrialists used to build hospitals, libraries, theatres, and universities and indulge in other benevolent ventures. Today, Tony Stark wannabes Elon Musk, Richard Branson, and Jeff Bezos spunk their billions on phallic space follies.

Most recently, we witnessed a testosterone-fuelled spat played out on the internet between Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg (who looks like one of his Metaverse avatars) and Twitter and Space X gammon-face Elon Musk. Musk threw down the gauntlet and posted a message on Twitter saying that he was 'up for a cage fight' with Zuckerberg, who was fresh from completing the Murph Challenge, where he banged out a two-mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 press ups and 300 squats in a weighted vest and told the world about it on his timeline, complete with a sweaty, brooding selfie.

Zucks replied to Musk’s taunt with 'send me location'. Musk then replied: 'Vegas Octagon', a UFC venue. Zuckerberg is a Jiu-Jitsu champion, but Musk has a secret move that he calls 'The Walrus'.  'I just lie on top of my opponent & do nothing,' he wrote. It should make for a riveting watch. 

Displays of machoism happen everywhere

It's not just the echelons of the superrich where alpha males beat their chests and grunt. It happens everywhere. At an event recently, where ironically, I was talking about personal brand and impact, I was forced to witness a spectacular display of manspreading coupled with machismo. 

The gentleman in question reclined in an exaggerated position, arms slung casually over the chairs on either side of him. He also made repeated comments to the cronies around him who laughed at their Silverback, hyena-like. He made sure the comments were loud enough for his immediate ingroup but not loud enough for me to hear. 

Rude!

When I asked him what he said, he shrugged and smirked: “Nothing.”  A classic heckle and hide.

Having dealt with a lot worse in comedy clubs, this kind of behaviour doesn’t worry me. In fact, I relish the cut and thrust of a put-down. I can handle myself. I’m from Liverpool. Granted, in a corporate setting, I need to reign it in and resist the temptation to wipe the floor with hecklers and make them cry (it says Laughology over the door, after all). 

But what peeved me about this behaviour was that it was clearly about power, even on an unconscious level. The man was exerting dominance over the group, thereby feeding into every negative discourse about equality and equity there is.  

Check your language

Language plays a role here. The man no doubt would describe himself as an alpha male, a phrase that I personally think should be banned outside of zoology because it perpetuates the concept of hierarchy and power. There are other equally baffling examples of this type of zoomorphism (word of the day: the process by which people, objects, places, and ideas are given animal attributes). There are lone wolves and silver foxes too. 

My husband gets his hair cut in a place called The Wolf Lounge, which is silly for two reasons. Firstly, because it gives the impression that the place is full of predators – ick - and secondly, because my husband is mainly bald and has as much need for a barber as I do for a beard trimmer (though I’m sure it’s coming).

Of course, animalistic language isn’t solely a male thing. For women, we have cougars and old-school London taxi drivers will still refer to us as ‘birds’. But it seems the male thing is usually about power, which feeds into toxic masculinity and the idea that you are somehow less of a man if you’re not an ‘alpha’ or a ‘wolf’. 

Toxic behaviours seep across the gender gap

Anyway, back to the knobhead in the session. The sad fact is, there’s one in every office or event I go to, strutting around like a peacock, puffing out his chest, pointlessly competitive. From desk-chair racing to stapler-throwing contests, it's like the Olympics of insecurity. Unfortunately, the only gold medal they earn is for annoying their colleagues.  

And sometimes, this toxic behaviour seeps across the gender gap. I see it from all people, and it creates rigid expectations not only for men but for everyone, feeding into an unhelpful narrative of how people should look, behave, and act. The pressure to conform to these stereotypes can be suffocating for individuals who do not fit within these boundaries or behave in a certain way, leading to anxiety and self-doubt.

And when you’ve got supposed role models like Zucks and Musk engaging in similar public idiocy, what message does that send out to the rest of us?

It’s not bad to be competitive but lose the power dynamics 

I’m not saying it’s wrong to be competitive, and sometimes seeking attention and validation is okay. Personally, applause and praise are oxygen to me; speak to any stand-up, and they’ll tell you the same. However, there’s a difference between competing to be the best version of yourself and negatively using power dynamics to put down others to big yourself up. 

You can be brilliant at what you do with humility and modesty. You can strive to be the best by learning from and collaborating with others rather than trying to beat or exploit them. 

And a bit of fun banter is fine. At Laughology, we call this ‘verbal tickling’. But it should be inclusive and well-meant. The trick is to know your audience and don’t do it in front of others to boost your ego. And to close your legs when you’re sitting down.

To learn more about our sessions, get in touch with our Doug - doug@laughology.co.uk - we can’t promise he won’t verbally tickle you, but he’ll certainly close his legs.