I’ve lost my confidence - am I still relevant?

Back in the day, it took me a while to get to grips with the explosion of social media. I’d only just worked out Friends Reunited when suddenly I was faced with a deluge of new and confusing ways to stalk my exes.

MySpace, Flickr, Tumblr, and Facebook. I was confused, and for many years invited contacts to connect with me on MyFace. I’ve largely avoided the angry doom cesspit of Twitter, and until recently, I thought Telegram, Discord & Twitch were a millennial trance music act.

On the other hand, my young nieces and nephews embrace all these new ways of connecting. They have an instinct for new platforms and now seem to communicate solely through the medium of animated and augmented video on Snapchat. I’m sure they’re surprised when they first meet new people in the flesh and discover they haven’t got bunny ears or rainbows for mouths.

I tried to be the hip aunt and get in on the act. Still, my account seems stuck on the crying filter, so any video message I send from my ‘Laughology Stephanie, Head of Happiness’ account shows me weeping inconsolably.

Several things combined can impact confidence

Things move so fast often it’s hard to keep up. This was the case with a woman I spoke to recently. She wanted to book a presentation skills course. When I asked her who she usually presented to and what she wanted from the course, she opened up about a recent event.

She was going through menopause and had a hot flush during a call on Google Hangouts. She saw herself going redder and redder on the screen, and her brain went into a fog. She had a mental blank, became muddled and had trouble speaking and breathing.

Usually, the lady in question, the head of sales in her organisation, is a highly-experienced, confident individual who speaks at conferences. She’d never had any issues presenting before.

After this particular call, she explained what had happened to her MD, hoping for some help. But, unfortunately, his response wasn’t what she’d hoped for. Instead, he suggested she and her team get some presentation skills training to learn virtual presentation tricks and quickly changed the subject.

Look past the behaviours and to the cause

The issue wasn’t about skills or confidence but a combination of menopause symptoms and Google Hangout’s cumbersome screen share function. She told me her team was getting younger and better at using tech during pitches. They understood social media. She wasn’t even 50 but said she felt she’d become irrelevant.

These concerns are not uncommon among more mature workers. The world moves so fast, and workplace technology, particularly since the pandemic, has evolved at a staggering pace. This, when added to other challenges women in particular face, such as menopause or the adjustment of returning to work after maternity leave, can easily affect confidence.

Menopause and other significant life changes can impact how we feel about ourselves

Menopause is no joke. It can mess with your body and mind, making you feel like you're going freaking insane. And when that starts happening at work, it can be a real kick in the pants.

Suddenly, you're sweating through your clothes and feeling like you're on the verge of a mental breakdown in the middle of a meeting. You're forgetting things and feeling like you're not as sharp as you used to be. It's enough to make you feel like you're becoming irrelevant - like nobody cares what you have to say anymore.

But here's the thing - you're not irrelevant! You’ve been rocking it at work for years. Sure, you might need to take a few more breaks to cool off or gather your thoughts, but that doesn't mean you're any less valuable as a team member. Unfortunately, our brains don’t help us in times like this, and our inner critic can set in.

But know this; getting older is a huge asset in the workplace.

Flip the narrative and regain your confidence at work

Experience and wisdom are something the young whippersnappers can only dream of. Knowing how to navigate office politics and deal with difficult people is definitely an age thing. You have skills they can't teach in a textbook or YouTube tutorial. You have to own your experience and know you bring a lot to the table. Be bold and speak up and share your ideas. You've earned the right to be heard.

Another way to boost your confidence is to take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat well, and exercise. Treat yourself to a spa day or a night out with friends. You deserve it; it'll make you feel like a million bucks.

It’s also essential to control the controllable. If you have a meeting scheduled using tech that you’re unsure of, grab someone in the business or externally who can give you a quick lesson and provide tips.

Know you can challenge your inner critic. When you start to self-doubt, ask yourself if your thoughts are based on feelings or facts. Generally, they’ll be based on feelings. Instead, concentrate on the facts and remind yourself of your strengths, abilities, and achievements. You have a choice not to listen to your inner critic and invite your inner cheerleader for a chat instead.

A good thing to do for your confidence is to try 360 mentoring. Being a helpful mentor to others who are younger or have different outlooks can boost confidence and provide you with fresh ideas, information and feedback too. Working with young people in this way benefits everyone and is a more inclusive way of supporting people's development.

And if you find yourself working with someone who shares that they feel like this

Listen. Be curious, and ask why and how people feel and behave a certain way. Often the causes are different to the perceived issue. Making assumptions can make the person feel uncared for and more vulnerable.

Think about ways to adapt work and support where necessary to help ease anxiety. Returning to the office or working with changing tech can be overwhelming, particularly when this happens with other life changes.

Challenge your assumptions. Take a step back and review your interpretation of the situation. Are you making assumptions based on your beliefs, or have you listened and gathered all the facts about the situation?

Finally, don't be afraid to ask for help. Whether you need a little extra support from your colleagues or some advice from a mentor, it's okay to admit you're struggling. We're all in this together, folks.
Life changes are huge, and unless more support and understanding are offered, we risk losing many skilled and experienced women and people from the workforce.
And that really would be something to cry about – no filter necessary.

For a filter-free chat to find out more about how we can help your organisation, contact doug@laughology.co.uk