Are tell-it-like-it-is truth bombs okay at work?  

Famously, Brits will dance around a sensitive subject to the point of absurdity rather than have a direct conversation about it. It’s one of the national traits that define us, like a stiff upper lip and Wetherspoons.  

I’ve noticed it’s also a habit that becomes more pronounced the further south you go. In the north, where I’m from, people will generally tell you if you have spinach in your teeth or your flies are undone. In Surrey, however, where I now live, it’s peak pussyfoot.  

Here, people would rather bite off their own toes than tell you your fake tan is too orange (it never is in the North) or your yoga pants are showing a little too much camel toe.   

Prime Minister Keir Starmer touched on this in his recent conference speech, emphasising the power of honesty, care, and wise language to not overpromise but motivate and guide people forward. 

So, how does this work in our everyday interactions at work?  

Aim to leave the person inspired, hopeful or at least reflective  

Honest conversations are a must in any high-performing and successful culture. They should not be brutal, tell-it-like-it-is truth bombs which make people feel like they’ve been run over by a bus.  

Instead, they should be two-way, honest, and non-confrontational, and they should finish with a clear direction and an understanding between both parties of what has been discussed.  

If the subject is performance, aim to leave the person you are talking to inspired and hopeful or, at the very least, reflective.   

Let me explain. I’ve watched the last ten series of Britain's Got Talent. Do you remember when Simon Cowell was Mr Nasty? Indeed, way back when he was a judge on Pop Idol and had a real face, he was tantamount to a pantomime villain. He got booed and hissed. His crime? He gave honest feedback.  

If someone couldn’t sing, he told them they couldn’t sing. As a nation, we just couldn’t take that kind of honesty; it was harsh and perhaps overly direct. Meanwhile, scores of deluded wannabes left the auditions believing they were the next Whitney, and that Simon was just being mean.  

The thing is, nowadays, Mr Cowell is no longer Mr Nasty. He’s just as honest with his opinions, but they don’t seem as abrasive. This is either because he’s mellowed or, more likely, we’ve all got better at having honest conversations.   

And that’s a good thing because, while honest conversation about difficult subjects is not always welcome or enjoyable, it is necessary. When done right, it can be the catalyst for change, growth, and resilience.   

Balancing honesty with empathy, evidence, and encouragement  

The trick to this? Balancing honesty with empathy, evidence, and encouragement. After all, it’s not just about what you say but how you say it. I’ve learned this the hard way. As a very direct person, I can often miss others' need for a gentler approach (just ask my husband).   

But if you are too gentle, you can end up tip-toeing around the subject, and people miss the point.   

Courageous conversations can be part of a workplace's everyday narrative, and when done properly, they can help lift productivity and performance.  

Why honest? 

Honesty isn't just about pointing out what's wrong. It’s about showing a way forward, giving people hope, and allowing them to see the light at the end of the tunnel.   

Research shows that when people are provided with constructive feedback paired with a sense of hope and possibility, they’re more likely to feel motivated and empowered. In fact, this approach can create greater psychological safety, which is crucial for team development, creativity, and growth.   

We all know someone as subtle as a sledgehammer when delivering feedback – not ideal, right? It’s about honesty with evidence and a sprinkle of tact.  

So how can we do this?  

Remember that trust is the foundation of any good conversation.   

Ask yourself: “Will this person feel safe sharing their thoughts after I’ve spoken about why a situation has happened, or will they feel judged?” Honest conversations work best when people feel they can be open about a behaviour or missed target.  

Listen to learn, listen to understand.  

Give the other person space to express themselves. When you genuinely listen, you’re not just hearing words but validating the person’s experience. This builds trust and opens the door for meaningful dialogue.  Don’t just jump in with a fix. Use questions to explore why things might be happening and help them think about the solution.  

When the conversation might be difficult, keep it focused on evidence with examples of impact, not opinions.  

There’s a difference between saying, “You’re not doing enough” and “I noticed that the last three reports were submitted late, which affected our project timeline.” One feels like a personal attack, while the other presents facts. People are more receptive when the conversation is grounded in observable evidence rather than subjective opinions. It’s less about pointing fingers and more about finding solutions together.  

Let’s be honest – ambiguity helps no one.  

If there’s an issue, address it directly. Discuss and offer suggestions on how to move forward. For instance, instead of saying: “Your communication skills need work,” try: “I’ve noticed that team members sometimes misunderstand your emails. How about we work on making them clearer together?” Be clear and constructive.  

Pause before you pounce.  

The Power of Pause is a biggie. Emotions can run high when tackling difficult subjects and performance.  Before diving into the conversation, take a moment to breathe. This simple act allows you to choose your words carefully, ensuring your message is delivered thoughtfully and with intention. It may also be that a pause is needed in the conversation to allow the other person time to reflect, think about next steps and come back to the conversations more prepared.  

The Keir Starmer effect: What can we learn?  

Keir didn’t shy away from addressing tough issues, but he did so in a way that made people believe there was a way forward. It wasn’t about sugar-coating the truth or being overly harsh; it was about showing empathy, sharing the facts, and painting a picture of what could be achieved together.  

It’s a masterclass in how we should approach our conversations – with courage, clarity, and compassion.   

So, in preparation for courageous conversations use Laughology’s five P’s: 

1. Prevent surprises: Don’t let the tough talk come out of nowhere. Regular check-ins make sure people know what’s coming so there are no shocks.  
2. Prepare yourself: Check your emotional state before starting the conversation. If you're agitated, take a breather – a cup of tea works wonders.  
3. Prepare the other person: Let them know you want to chat and why. This creates a more relaxed environment and allows them to be mentally ready.  
4. Pause: It’s golden. It allows for reflection and stops you from reacting emotionally.  
5. Progress: Always end on a positive note. What’s the next step? How can you support them moving forward? Remember, hope motivates us.  

The takeaway  

Honesty is a superpower, but it needs to be wielded with care. When done right, honest conversations can be the key to unlocking potential, fostering resilience, and building trust.  

They’re not always easy, but they’re worth it. So, take a leaf out of Keir Starmer’s book – be honest, be hopeful, and be kind.  

Want to know how the Laughology team can support your managers, leaders and teams to have honest conversations?  Get in touch with doug@laughology.co.uk . He promises to be honest with you, but not in the style of a pantomime villain. He saves that for the weekends.