Is your boss in love with you? Or are you in love with them?

That might seem a creepy question, but it’s one worth considering.

Let me explain.

Love might seem like an unusual concept for people you work with, but it’s actually an essential quality. Add to the mix believing in individuals, and you have a recipe for success, not to mention a profound impact on wellbeing and mental health. Really! I hear your cry. Does any boss really love their team? Isn’t that just fluffy Disney sh!T or, worse, some creepy love obsession where you really don’t want someone you work with to love you?

I’d agree, in part. Loving everyone in your team can be challenging; we can’t get on with them all, but we can care and change how we see people and their potential. Yes, there have to be boundaries, which are different for everyone. But research, as well as recent examples, tells us this really can create fairy tales.

Okay, maybe not the unicorn flying, princess crap but real examples of where a little bit of the good stuff makes great things happen.

Love really does make a difference

You need to look no further than Wrexham Football Club for a great example of this. Now I don’t profess to know much about football, but I do have a few friends who live in Wrexham, and if you don’t know what’s happened, let me give you a brief history.

Wrexham has one of the oldest football teams in existence, who play at the oldest international ground in the world. And they’ve just become one of the most famous. In the most unlikely alliance in sporting history, the actors Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney bought Wrexham AFC, plotting to change the fortunes of both the club and community.

And wouldn't you know it - just two years in, in April 2023, Wrexham won promotion to the Football League after 15 seasons of playing in the semi-amateur National League (the fifth tier of English football).

Let’s not be daft and miss out on the other core ingredients here, i.e., a load of money has been pumped into the club, with a dash of Disney to help out. (The story has been told on the Disney channel since it started, piquing interest worldwide). However, you can’t miss the love, affection, and belief this has brought to the team and the town.

This is a great example of how great things can happen, inspired by love and belief from the top. A belief that started at a leadership level, and has now become a worldwide belief, want and will for this team to do well… you might call this global love. Sorry, I’ve gone all Disney again.

Let’s talk about what we mean by love

Firstly, let's talk about love. When a leader or manager loves their team, or people who work together express this emotion, they show them care and concern beyond the scope of their role. (Just like Ryan and Rob, who seem invested not just in the club but in the town and the people).

It shouldn’t just be the leader or manager either; it’s about strong connections and friendships that go beyond the conversations of work. This creates a sense of emotional safety and security, a sense that you want to get to know me and what’s important to me, which is critical for my well-being and mental health.

It also promotes healthy connections and prevents loneliness. When people feel these connections, they are more likely to be motivated, engaged, and productive in their work.

Love also promotes trust and respect, which are essential for creating a positive culture. This leads to a more cohesive and high-performing team where people take positive risks and want to push themselves.

Get it, I’m not talking about the mushy stuff, but actions that express kindness, caring and love. And the great thing is it boosts wellness in the receivers and givers of these actions.

If you believe it’s true, it is

Belief is slightly different; it’s about showing people you have confidence and support in their abilities. This can be a powerful motivator for individuals to take on new challenges and grow their skills. It can also help them believe in what you’re doing and want to achieve.

This can help to boost their self-esteem and self-confidence, leading them to see themselves in a more positive way. This has been proven repeatedly in a piece of research called the Pygmalion effect.

The Pygmalion effect is a phenomenon where high expectations placed on an individual can lead to better performance from that individual, first observed in a study conducted by Robert Rosenthal and Lenore Jacobson in 1968.

In the study, teachers were told that certain students in their classes had shown the potential to be ‘high achievers’. However, in reality, the students were chosen randomly, and there was no objective evidence to support the claim that they were any more likely to improve than their classmates.

Despite this, by the end of the school year, the students identified as ‘high achievers’ showed significantly greater improvement on their IQ tests than their peers. This was attributed to the fact that the teachers had higher expectations for these students and provided them with more attention, encouragement, and feedback. This created a self-fulfilling prophecy where the students performed better because they were expected to perform better.
The Pygmalion effect can occur in various contexts, in the workplace - or a football team the whole world gets behind thanks to a Hollywood story.

It’s useful to be aware that the opposite is also true. If you have low expectations of people, your behaviour unconsciously changes, you give less support, and therefore they perform poorly as a result.

It’s not about blind belief. Reality has to play a role, and that’s when love also comes into the mix. If a team member knows you care, then more difficult and challenging conversations can happen.

Love can also stimulate the growth of new neurons in the brain, particularly in the regions associated with memory, learning, and emotion regulation. This is because when we experience love, our brains release a variety of neurochemicals that promote the growth and survival of neurons and the formation of new connections between them.

Are you convinced yet?

We all have a role to play in this; it’s not just managers and leaders; everyone is involved in creating positive, caring cultures. It’s not just us ‘fluffy’ types that believe this, either. Research is clear: having strong friendships in the workplace can not only boost job satisfaction and performance but also improve wellness. It’s linked to a lower risk of burnout, better mental health, fewer traumatic experiences, and can maybe impact lifespan.

So next time someone wants to chat about something other than work, even if it’s not your bag, you might be giving them a mental health boost. Or maybe you need to give someone else a chance to do a task or project and believe in them a bit more. Think about what you are doing that’s impacting someone’s belief in themselves, even unconsciously, and what you can do to boost their self-confidence and ultimately grow their brain.

It's not about Disney or big gestures, but the small stuff that makes a big difference. And when you do, you’ll reap the benefits too.

Want some help to feel the love in your team? Get in touch with our Doug - doug@laughology.co.uk - and he’ll be more than happy to help.