There’s an old saying that goes, “If you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” (Remind me to mention this to my parents) It seems obvious doesn’t it; be kind, take time to notice, pay someone a compliment, etc., and yet in the cut and thrust of everyday professional life, it appears that this can be one of the first things to slip.
According to an article from Harvard Business School, 90% of the participants asked said that they should complement others more but tend not to.
So…
Why should we bother?
Well, the knock-on benefits of taking the small amount of time to tell Roger that his incredible collection of gaudy ties, containing a never-ending supply of Disney characters, is the highlight of your working week or to mention to Simone from the cafeteria that she always has a smile on her face despite having served up 56 portions of lasagne, are worth recognising.
When we create a space to connect, there are several things that occur which can really contribute to building relationships, rapport and connections, such as:
- Increased serotonin and oxytocin levels – the neurotransmitters that make us feel connected and valued
- Mindfulness – the very act of paying a compliment means we have to pay attention to the person or their actions
- Emotional wellbeing – not only does the receiver feel better, but we, the giver, also feel better; it’s a win-win
- Higher morale – 97% of our choices are based on emotion, so if we feel good, we tend to make better choices that not only impact us but also the people we come into contact with
- Reduced stress – lower cortisol thanks to a boost in our dose of happiness
What gets in the way?
The number one reason most people don’t go out of their way to pay a compliment is that they may feel awkward in doing so or may make the recipient feel uncomfortable.
It’s worth mentioning at this point that I’m not suggesting we start bombarding our colleagues with mistimed, ill-judged, clumsy attempts fired across the office or some niche Baby Reindeer-esque ‘banter’ regarding Ingrid’s blouse sent from your iPhone.
What I am suggesting is that we spend more time tuning into those people around us through a blend of listening, curiosity, questions and time.
Warm Connections
Here at Laughology, we go into organisations to explore what we call ‘warm connections’. In a hectic, time-poor, challenging world, it’s all too easy to get caught in a transactional state of mind, complicit in business-only, outcome-focused interactions that lead to formal, rushed conversations and surface-level connections.
One of the most common themes to come out of the back end of the pandemic regards what people felt they missed most about the workplace, wasn’t, as you might’ve guessed, the job but was, in fact, human connection. The chats by the vending machine, walking to get a coffee or photocopying your backside (that last one’s there to make sure you’re still reading).
And while I recognise that our working lives will be transactional, if that’s all they are, then these organisations, in my experience, can very quickly become stagnant - or, at their worst, toxic - places to be.
But if we wrap the transactional with warm connections, then the quality of our relationship will thrive, and a psychologically safe environment will be the order of the day.
Here are several ways you can develop your warm connections:
- Connect through laughter and humour – humour is an intrinsic part of the human condition, and as Alan Alda once said, “When people are laughing, they’re generally not killing one another.” It allows us to see the world differently and find the light in difficult situations, too.
- Share values and goals—this helps everyone refresh why they do what they do, find common ground, and re-establish their sense of value and purpose, which is not only motivating but also helps foster camaraderie.
- Recognise key moments—give attention to the little things that mean a lot. Curiosity comes from the Latin root word for ‘curate’, which means to take care of. We are here to take care of our brains and the brains of the people around us, and we can achieve this by asking questions and having a desire to really understand who we work with beyond the surface level. What questions aren’t we asking?
- Emotional connection – we learn with our hearts first, then our heads; when we connect emotionally, those connections run deeper. When, as Stephen Covey said, we seek first to understand and then to be understood through active listening, we can build more trusting, long-lasting relationships.
Therefore, paying someone a compliment is not just a nice thing to do but can also be a really useful opening gambit to begin fostering the warm connections that can make work your happy place.
P.S. That tie is an absolute cracker; where did you buy it?
If you’d like help to build warm connections in your organisation or workplace, get in touch with Doug and he’ll share how we can help – doug@laughology.co.uk
About the author:
As well as appearing in programmes such as Downton, Eastenders and Corrie, Dave Keeling is a stand-up comedian and has been a Laughologist since 2008. He’s one of our most sought-after facilitators, as his dynamic, fast-paced, quick-witted delivery is something to behold! He specialises in change management, improving teamwork and communication, developing creativity and enhancing wellbeing.