Wellbeing apps? Tick. Lunchtime yoga? Lovely. But when it comes to workplace mental health, research says it’s not the kombucha on tap that makes the difference – it’s how leaders behave.
Yep. You can feng shui the break room all you like, but the biggest impact on a person’s day-to-day experience is the human at the helm – their manager. In fact, a 2023 study by the CIPD found that half of workers with a “low-quality” manager said their job negatively affected their mental health.
And it turns out our leadership style often echoes something very familiar: our parenting style (or the parenting style we grew up with). It’s something we do unconsciously – and it can impact how we support our people, particularly when it comes to their wellbeing.
Psychologists – particularly Eric Berne, creator of Transactional Analysis in 1964 – have long noted that we often slip into parenting behaviours in relationships. And yes, that includes at work. Especially when stress, pressure, or big feelings are involved (so… all of the time then).
In the TA model, two types of parenting styles sneak into our workplace behaviours:
- The Critical Parent
- The Nurturing Parent
Let’s break them down.
The “Critical Parent” approach
This style is described as “rule-driven, results-oriented, critical, focused on control”, which can be displayed as micromanagement, and presents as the ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’.
If you tend towards perfectionism and micromanagement, read on.
Examples of critical parent management approach:
- Downplaying or dismissing emotional challenges.
- Overplaying resilience and “toughness”
- Prioritising performance at the cost of well-being
- Shaming or blaming language.
“We’ve all got problems, just push through and suck it up.”
“Mental health days? Back in my day, we called that being lazy.”
This approach is often rooted in the need to drive performance; there is positive intent to get results. The problem? This approach could only drive someone struggling with their mental health deeper into their struggle, or, through the demand for high standards and performance at any cost, drive the team to burnout.
The “Nurturing Parent” approach
The ‘Nurturing Parent’ centres around empathy, support and psychological safety. This does not mean lowering standards or overprotecting, but acknowledging a person’s experience and balancing care with clear roles.
If you show support, optimism and empathy, this could be your style.
Examples of nurturing parent management style:
- Actively listening to your team members without judgment
- Encouraging open discussion about stress and wellbeing
- Being flexible and compassionate without compromising goals
- Role modelling vulnerability by sharing personal challenges appropriately.
“Thanks for telling me you are struggling. How can I support you?”
“Let’s talk about how we can balance the workload during this time.”
However, if you’re always swooping in to solve problems, avoiding delegation, or bubble-wrapping your team out of fear… that’s less empowering and more exhausting (for you and them). There really can be ‘too much of a good thing’ sometimes.
What does all this mean for workplace mental health?
1. Psychological safety drives performance
According to Google’s famous Project Aristotle, psychological safety—feeling safe to take risks, ask for help, or admit mistakes—was the number one factor in high-performing teams. A nurturing leader would create an environment where asking for help is ok.
In short, people do better when they don’t have to pretend they’re fine.
2. Supportive managers can protect mental wellbeing in the workplace
A study in 2024 by Occupational Health Science highlighted that a supportive approach to supervising your team provides a significant protective factor against workplace stressors, promoting social connection and a sense of belonging among team members.
3. Compassionate Leadership helps with team retention
Deloitte’s 2023 workplace wellbeing report found that 60% of employees would stay longer in organisations where leaders genuinely support mental health.
People remember how you made them feel, especially when they were struggling.
How to lead with a nurturing mindset
Here are some tips to bring a nurturing approach into your leadership style:
1. Check your language: Are your words supportive or shaming?
2. Normalise mental health conversations: Do you create an environment where people can talk openly? Are you role modelling good practice with wellbeing?
3. Provide training in mental health first awareness training to your managers – check out this helpful Laughology video on Mental Health in the Workplace
4. When someone is struggling, prioritise empathy over urgency: The work can wait, your people cannot.
5. Give permission: Make it clear that asking for help or time off is not a weakness.
At Laughology, we’ve supported various teams, workplaces, and organisations in developing inclusive cultures and helping people manage their mental health. If you want to talk to one of our experts, please get in touch with doug@laughology.co.uk. You can also find our Mental Health Awareness Month resources here.
If you imagine an 80s boy band doing back flips and the running man, you’ve got Louisa Rodriguez. And her energy? She’d give Red Bull a run for its money. With specialisms in cultural change, performance coaching, and mental health and vast experience as a facilitator, coach, and learning and development professional, she’s the perfect member of the Laughology team.
